Babe,
i read over the things we’ve said. the pictures we’ve taken the pictures on tumblr that we talked about. the feelings we had and all i think is that i messed up. i love you so much it hurts. i took you for granted. and when i lost you it killed me. i’ve been thinking with my heart and it aches for you. my head tells me that i don’t deserve you because of all the stress i’ve put you through. i only want to make you happy. guys flirt i cant flirt back anymore. i could beg all i want but you are way to smart of a person to just take a risk with me. i would be the biggest risk you take. and i cant ask you to hurt yourself for me anymore. i can be semi happy without you but nothing compared to the moments i had with you. prom i think about everyday. i think about just hugging you one last time everyday. i will be just a friend. it will hurt but its better then you not being in my life. this isn’t hard for me at all anymore. i don’t know why but it used to be so hard to let myself be vulnerable but now its every time i think about you i get all mushy and i honestly hope that i an get a second chance with you. you are the nicest guy. you are funny you think about the right things to do. you put others before yourself. im glad i had 4 months with you. 3 were amazing for me the last month was all me going downhill because of so much. there was so much affecting me that i couldn’t function. softball made me nervous everyday. i was stressing over prom, the limo, my dress, the table situation, and the pictures i was nervous about. my eating was so different everyday i could eat the world one day and the next id have to force down a water. money was stressing me out i was scared i wasn’t gonna have enough for prom car insurance and the trip. i miss you so much. I’ve cried every night since we broke up 2 weeks ago. its so hard to let go of something you were forced to let go of. i wanted to fix things but its a possibility of you getting hurt again and i don’t want to do that to you. i never meant to hurt you but i killed you inside without realizing it. that was then and this is now and now i swear im already a different person. i wish it clicked in my head before we broke up. but i cant change the past i just can hope for a future for us. you were the guy i thought was “the one” i feel insane for feeling this way but honestly i think/thought we were perfect and if we both work on it together we could go far. seriously far. you are the only guy that a possible future even crossed my mind with. it was only 4 months and i felt this strongly about you. I’ve never felt like this before not with my 9 month relationship not my year relationship and not my year and a half relationship. darren you changed me so much and i will keep changing for you. i already have changed. im emotional? im not like this. i keep to myself about stuff hat actually bother me but im putting myself out there for you.. i would give up so much to be with you because i honestly think that theres something about us together that is special and that we can last i know were young and this all sounds stupid but darren there is something there i know it for sure. im convinced that theres something. and im trying not to push it. thats why im writing this out and im not saying it to you. people say your best relationship is the guy most like your father or the girl most like your mother so by going off of what your dad has said and how i see you i feel like we were meant to be. its killing me not talking to you. its making me so upset. i wish i could let you read this and everything be ok between us but i know it cant be that way because you don’t feel the way i feel about you. i got attached to you but i never showed it because i didn’t wanna be hurt like i am now. i cant do this. i want you so bad. i feel like i need you but i know i don’t its hard to be without you. im so wrapped up in you i can’t move on. its so much easier to write this all out to you instead of saying it cause i can think straighter than i do when im talking and upset. I’ve been wanting you since we broke up and this is killing me not being with you. everything i do i do with you in mind. i want you to be at my games. i write about you for english and its depressing. im changing i can feel it. im different i promise im different.

i love you so much